To Be In Action

I suddenly feel that odd feeling when I try to reminisce some good old deeds before. It was then I realized I miss that.

I miss myself in action. The kind of scenario when I'm in the middle of instruction or facilitating a team or group of individuals. I miss the leader in me. I miss the feeling of being a facilitator. I miss the feeling of being a teacher or a trainer. I miss the times when I raise my voice along with all the energy and effort and heart and sweat and blood in me to give directions, advisory, information, steps, or just any other stuff. It feels like I can really feel my energy kicking alive. It makes me competitive. It makes me thinking creatively and critically. It pumps my adrenaline. It gives me life.

I guess it happens even for once in your life. That sort of thing when you didn't mind it before but in the present makes you remember how you felt really alive when you do those things. You thought you have not yet found it as something that can fulfill what you were looking for, but actually, it was one of where you found you can derive that pleasure of service, that passion, that excitement, that rush, that dedication.

Yet now you're in a different world, sailing on a different shore, doing a different chore - and you miss it. You miss those tasks before. Those things where you find yourself pouring your heart out. Those times when you yourself is in denial that you have not yet declared those were your call.